Guardian Angel

I have just finished reading Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. This is a classic British Literature novel. I have to say, I'm not sure exactly what Pip was expected to do, but it does show us his journey. The novel starts out with him being an orphan and living with his sister and her husband. She is a lovely woman (sarcasm). One afternoon he is at the graveyard visiting his parents graves when he comes across an escaped convict. Pip is told to bring him a file so that he can file off his ankle braces. Pip does so the next morning, and that is when the seed is planted. Later on in the novel Pip goes and plays at Miss Havishim's where he meets Estella. This girl is the one great love in his life, but she can never love him back. Pip grows older and begins apprenticing with his brother-in-law, Joe, as a blacksmith. Joe loves Pip unconditionally and even considers them to be the best of friends. One day Pip is told that he has been "adopted." This means that he is ...

Pain, headache, and life. Those are the things that 2020 brought us. As you all know, in March Troyce lost his job and I had to have eye surgery. We spent 7 weeks waiting on unemployment. Just when we thought we were getting back on track, he lost his job again only this time he found another one immediately. There is nothing like have a toddler, being pregnant, and wondering how you are going to make it. It has been a rough year. When we found out we were going to have Maddox, I was less than thrilled. I was so nervous. We had so many hardships this year that I didn't know how we would be able to afford another baby. I know that God has us, but it's just been so hard. I've been trying to stay positive. We are finally back on our feet and holding our heads above water. I am almost done with grad school, but there has been a set back with that. I had to take the gifted education praxis in order to enroll in my last 2 classes for the spring. I needed a 155 score and I scored ...

I recently finished The Doctor's Wife by Elizabeth Brundage. This one was hard for me to get into. When I first started reading it, I was intrigued. Every chapter seemed to be from a different character's point of view. I was enjoying it until it became centered around adultry and abortion. I'm not going to elaborate on my views on those, but this novel was not at all what I expected. It did have a good message though: Going against the status quo can be harmful. It also had another message: Be careful who you associate with. I say these are the two messages for a couple of reasons. To start with, the doctor who was performing the abortions had threats sent to him and his family. His daughter was even marked by someone in the anti-abortionist group. He also was kidnapped by this group where they attempted to kill him. The second message is about the adultry side of the story. The doctor who performed the abortions had a wife and two kids. His wife started sleeping with a c...

I finished the novel Me Before You by Jojo Moyes. This book had me in tears at the end. Even though I knew that the happy ending I was hoping for was not the happy ending that occurred, I was still floored at the ending. Two people who never would have met in real life had the opportunity to become soulmates. Even though Louisa did not want to let Will go, she did because she loved him. This novel did have a touchy subject: assisted suicide. Will was a parapalygic but did not have much use of his arms. He was confined to a wheelchair and a life of pain. Louisa was to take care of him for 6 months. That is how long he promised his parents before he went to the facility for assisted suicide. Louisa and Will fell in love. They got each other. Will loved Louisa too much to allow for himself to be a burden for her, and Louisa loved Will so much that she let him do the one thing he wanted. I don't know how you ever recover from something like that. I definitely would recommend this ...

Well, the news is out! We are adding another human to our Hamilton Tribe and we couldn't be more excited. This has been a very challenging time for us. I have felt so sick nonstop, and my hormones are through the roof. Ya'll just pray for Troyce, because he seems to be the brunt of the hormones. I am also nervous about school starting, not that I am worried about the virus. Things are going to be so different and it is going to be hard to make it work. Hopefully we will have a great pregnancy and a great school year!

On August 13th, 2013, I lost my best friend. My Guardian Angel, the one who this blog is dedicated to. My gradma. I spent just about every summer with her until I was old enough to have a job. I have countless memories that I don't want to share because I know I'll start crying. Just the other night I thought about her. Seven years. You were too sick to watch me graduate high school. You weren't here to watch me graduate from college. Or get married. Or see my son. I am envious of the family members who got to have you there for things like that. They say it gets easier with time, but I think it just gets more manageable. I miss you. I love you.

Hey everyone! I had my followup yesterday with my retina surgeon and I don't have to go back for another year!! This is exciting news. It means I DON'T have to have any extra surgeries at this time. Whew. One less thing to worry about. I am so grateful that this massive issue has been fixed. I have lost countless hours of sleep and worried so much about this issue since March. Now, I only have to worry once a year, and even then it's not a huge deal. Dr. Pratt is extremely confident in his fix of my eyes. I am so blessed.

Boy am I tired. Going back to work and being on a normal schedule is so nice, but I forgot how tiring it was. We are also sleep training Dawson again. We do the "cry it out" method, so bed time isn't bad. It's what time he's going to bed. He is so tired by 6:00 that he can barely make it, but we have been steadily pushing it back. Tonight, he will go to bed a 7:00 and I hope he sleeps later than 5:30. My sweet babe is also going through separation anxiety. He is super clingy and hates being dropped off at daycare. It's a hard life for a little one. All we can do is hope and pray that it gets better! Hopefully it will go smoothly soon.

I know it has been a while since my last blog post. I have been so busy with my statistics course and with getting ready to go back to school. I think it is safe to say that I am SO glad to be done with statistics! I just turned in my final paper and I should have my final grade in the next 2 weeks. School is going to be different this coming year. So many things are up in the air right now. I just pray that we make it through these tough times and come out on top. I will update soon.

Trey rode with Lexi up to the starting line. He adjusted the GoPro hanging in the back of the car. “There. Now we will be able to assess your racing and make improvements,” Trey smiled. He walked around to the driver side window, leaned down, and gently kissed his wife. Lexi whispered something to him, smiled, and reved up the car. The orange beast shook from the rumble of the exhaust. Trey grinned and walked over to the bleachers. Lexi took a deep breath and gripped her hands around the steering wheels until her knuckles turned white. Her long, brown hair was pulled back in a pony tail. The aroma in the race car consisted of bug spray, exhaust fumes, and racing fuel. Her opponent pulled up next to her in a charcoal 335i BMW with twin turbos and a tune. He must think that he would be able to walk her old Capri. Little did he know that it was a sleeper, but she knew he would be quite the challenge. Lexi glanced over at him. He waved and she returned focus to the pavement. “Do...

Lauren was up to no good. She had to nail Jenna and she was going to anything in her power to make sure she did so. Plus, with the baby gone, Jacob would end up just like Keith in no time. Lauren had come to the conclusion that Jenna was a Black Widow, but why? They had known each other since college, but did they really know each other? Lauren had always known Jenna as an upbeat person, but she could definitely see that dark side. Jenna had to win at all costs. She had no boundaries, and you better not tell her “no.” She was driven and determined. There was no way that she ever lost, except to Lauren. Jenna had to always come out on top, and she hated when she was defeated by her nemesis. Lauren knew that is how Jenna thought of her, and quite frankly she didn’t care. She was the superior and they both knew it. What was it that made Jenna tick? Lauren thought back to college days. Jenna received a ‘B’ in a course and you would have thought that she was going to set the school on f...

We were doing so good with our debt ratio. Then, Troyce lost his job. Ever since we have struggled to keep our head above water. We used all of our emergency fund to pay bills since it took 7 weeks to get unemployment. During that time we also accrued more debt. We have since built our emergency fund back up, and now we are working on our snowball effect. I am just a little overwhelemed with it all. I am a little nervous that if we start to get it rolling again, something else will happen. I am trying to stay positive, but there are so many scenarios that roll through my head.

I am very much stuck in a rut with my writing. I haven't written in probably months. I don't know where to go with my story. As a writer, this is very frustrating. I'm going to start working on it again. I have to get it finished and move on to something else. We shall see how it goes!

I have not been very consistent with my weight loss. I honestly feel complacent. I need new workouts to get myself going again. I feel like I am bored with what I've been doing, so I'm not doing them very well. I am drinking my keto-coffee and taking my thermofight x and carb control daily, but I still have to exercise. I am also trying to drink more water. Blah.

I finished "Goliath Must Fall" this morning. I was so refreshing working on myself for once. I take care of Dawson and Troyce. I don't ever work on myself. This book has really made me look at myself and dissect everything. I am working on being a better person, not that I'm a bad person. Jesus is going to run through every inch of my body. I want to scream his name from the roof tops. So, if you have a problem with that, I suggest you let me do me, or let me go. I am tackling fear, rejection, anger, addiction, and comfort.

Well, yesterday afternoon I had a followup with my retina doctor. I have mixed feelings about the appointment. He said that he is pretty confident that it worked. He is unsure if the remaining fluid is shifting because it looks like it might be. He wants to see me in August to check it again. If it is moving, he will have to laser around it and then we won't have to worry about it anymore. If it is not, then he will just continue to check it every year when I go. I was hoping that I was done, but it appears I am not. I will post before and after pictures.

My fitness journey is more than just weight and inches lost. It is lifestyle changes I am making. I am being more active, getting stronger, eating better, and overall being happier. I have noticed that I have gotten stronger. I started back over this week at the beginning of my Jillian Michael's video. I did week 1 on Monday, Week 2 yesterday, and I'll do week 3 today. I noticed that I did not have to stop and take breaks during these exercises like I did before. I also have hardly had to modify my exercises. I can feel my body aching. I am doing so much! It is a good kind of sore. It means that I actually worked my tail off. I can't wait to see my continued growth. This has not been an easy experience, but it has been well worth it.

Last night was a doosie. I was almost asleep at 10:30 last night when Dawson started screaming. We do "cry it out," but he wasn't calming down. I would get him calmed back down and then when I went to lay him down, he started screaming and fighting me. Anyone who has ever tried to lay down a child that doesn't want to go down knows what I'm talking about. We went round and round with this until 12:30. He finally, FINALLY wore himself out. That lasted about 15 minutes. He started screaming again. I tried to wrap him back up, but I left him screaming in the crib. He wore himself out again about 1:00. In the morning. Do you know the last time I saw 1 am? I can't remember. I am so ready for this phase to be over!!!!!

I have one last chapter in "Goliath Must Fall." I have to say, it's been an easy read. I picked it up about a year ago but it wasn't the right time. I am a believer in that all books have a right and a wrong time. If you aren't mentally or emotionally ready for the plot line or the lessons in them, then you will put them down. You just have to remember to pick them back up. This book has taught me that Jesus was David. Jesus took down Goliath. Jesus will take down all of your Goliath's. You just have to believe in him. He may not do it immediately, but he will do it. You have to pray to Him. Talk to Him. Have faith in Him. I have tackled a couple of Goliath's since I started this book, and I will continue to make progress. I have had the opportunity to reflect on myself and evaluate every situation. I have made changes for the better. No, every day will not be perfect; however, that doesn't mean you give up. Take each and every day and have a plan to a...

We have baby step 1 down! We have a $1,000 emergency fund set up. It wasn't easy considering Troyce lost his job and we had to use that money for bills. We had 60% of it done when he lost his job. We got caught back up. We replenished the whole fund. Next is baby step #2: Snowball effect. I have our debt in order from smallest to largest. Those of you who know me know that my list is color coded and in a specific format. I have a three column chart: vender balance payment. Then beside vender I have the due dates. I can't wait to tackle this! Once it starts going, Dave Ramsey says that it really goes. I can't wait to update you all!

As I'm writing this, my heart has broken. Today was a rough day as a mother. It started with Dawson screaming, and ended with him screaming. He screamed non-stop for probably two hours. Nothing I did fixed it. I held him. I put him down and "ignored" him. I put him in his crib so he could calm down on his own. We went outside and played. We were going to go on a walk but he refused the stroller. Finally, I put him in the bath and then down for bed. It was 5:30. Way too esrly for him to go to bed. I laid him down and walked outside. I talked to my neighbor for about twenty minutes or so. Long enough for Dawson to fall asleep and for me to cool down. Or so I thought. I walked back inside and he was still screaming. I picked him up and took him back outside. He played with the neighbor and his dogs for a few minutes. Then I took him back in, gave him a snack, and put him back to bed. He cried for a couple minutes. Then he was out. He is still out. Today was one of those days...

I have been so busy working on self-care and self-love. I am enjoying the lifestyle changes I am making. I am continuing working out, I am interminent fasting, I am selling products that are working great for me, and I am studying the bible each night! If you haven't taken time for yourself, you have to do it. Find a way to release endorphins in your brain. You will be so much happier. I promise.

The last giant in "Goliath Must Fall" is addiction. Addication comes in many shapes and sizes. It isn't just drugs, alcohol, sex, etc. It is behaviors also. I am addicted to pleasing people. I have to be on good terms with people. I can't say "no." Is this healthy? No. I have to put myself first sometimes. It can't always be about other people, unless it comes to my child. Tackling this giant will finalize my journey in self-care and help me to be the person I want to be. Now that I know what I have to focus on, I'm going to take it and run with it.

Anger is something I have always struggled with. When you spend your whole life being rejected, you get angry. I’m angry at the kid in 8th grade who told me to get out of the class while we were watching a movie that was PG-13 and I was only 12. I’m angry at all of the people who cheated off of me because they didn’t want to do the work. I’m angry at some family members because their poor choices burned our relationship. I’m angry at a specific person for a reason I won’t get in to. I have been praying for forgiveness. I have to forgive them. I have to let it go even though it lets go of my control. That doesn’t mean I need those people in my life. It means that I release the burden off of my chest and out of my soul. I was doing so great...until today. Today, I lost it. I was so angry I saw red. There is one piece that needs forgiveness. But not today. That will come. I will still continue to pray for forgiveness, and when the time is right God will release that burden and I will move...

A year ago today, I interviewed at Sheridan High School. I pulled out of the parking lot to go back to APPEL and they called to tell me they were checking references. I had interviewed at several different schools, but I was too inexperienced for them. I am so glad that SHS took a chance with me. I have learned so much and I am excited to continue this journey! God chose this school district for me to be apart of. I am so blessed.

Last night, I finished another section in "Goliath Must Fall." This section was "Comfort." Those of you who know me, know I stay in my comfort zone. I hate change and I hate having to step out of it. One thing I learned is that being uncomfortable is having faith. We have to step out of that comfort and completely put our faith in our God. He is there to catch us. Being uncomfortable means having faith that He is there for you. This book is helping me get through a lot of difficult things in my life. I have a lot of Goliath's that I have to conquer. God is going to get me through all of them.

Just when I thought we were all healthy in my household, Dawson got an ear infection! Do you know how hard it is to do a zoom call from 8-4 with a sick baby. My mom had him half the day and I had him the other half. We were both doing professional development online. This world is crazy. I fear for the world Dawson has to grow up in. I am not going to touch on the issues going on in our country, but I am praying hard for this world we live in.

I have had the LONGEST day in history. I started the second year of my licensure program. We were supposed to be going MOnday-Friday from 8-4 at Philander Smith College in Little Rock. This is a 3 week program. It has been a zoom call. I have been on a zoom call since 8 am. I am exhausted. This distance learning is so hard. I'm hoping that it gets easier. Hopefully we will have less technical difficulities and it will run smoother.

Rejection is the next chapter in “Goliath Must Fall.” This one hit home for me. I have been rejected my whole life. I skipped 2nd grade, which made people feel inferior. I strives to be the best. I had to be perfect. I could not fail at anything. I was bullied by my peers. I have always had a low sense of self-worth. I don’t fit in with a lot of crowds, and I constantly feel like I’m not liked. I have too many stories to tell about my childhood, but I’m not going to do that now. How do we fix rejection? Well I’m still working on that. David was rejected by his peers, his family, and the king. Yet he still took down Goliath. God worked through David, and he will work through us.

Yesterday, Dawson went and got his 12 month shots. It made me realize that was the first time I actually got to take him for his shots. It's been my mom taking him because I've been working. I am always working. I hope he doesn't grow to resent that. When he was 2 weeks old I started my licensure program so he was with my mom and my aunt. I worked the day I went into labor. People were floored that I was 39 weeks pregnant and still working. They asked me when I was going to start leave, and I told them it would start when he was born. I was raised to work and work hard. I have never taken the easy way out. I hope that Dawson takes after that. Troyce works very hard too. He has made something of himself.  He could have easily taken a different route, but he chose success. He chose family. Dawson is going to be such an extraordinary young man. 

I am through the first section of “Goliath Must Fall.” I have to say it is very informative. The first section was fear. It shows up in many forms, but for me it is through control. I have to control every situation, and when I can’t I spaz out. Recently, I was called entitled because of the diaper situation at Walmart. Apparently taking care of my child’s needs makes me entitled. I won’t ever understand that, but it’s okay. Could I have acted differently? Yes. But I am a tired, stressed out mama. We have been through so much lately and we are just now coming up from a downward spiral. You don’t know what people are going through, so why judge a situation? I can buy a new box of diapers, but last week I couldn’t. We couldn’t afford it. What about the others who can’t afford it? We are scared of the unknown. To overcome that fear, we have to have faith. Faith comes through worship. We have to name our giants. What’s scares you? What worries you? The only thing I didn’t agree with during...

Okay ya'll. I'm a pretty chill person. We decided that Dawson needed to go up a size in diapers because size 3 just don't get the job done anymore. We had 2 boxes of diapers and a small package. We went to Walmart to exchange them for size 4. We were told that we could NOT exchange them. They were classified as health/wellness and they were not taking any of those items back. Now, anyone who has ever had a child knows that diapers are individually wrapped in plastic in the boxes. They are not even exposed to air until you open the plastic. So tell me why they let the gentleman in front of us return his steering wheel cover that his hands were all over, but NOT the diapers that were wrapped in plastic. I did happen to make a scene on the way out of Walmart. We went to Target and they exchanged them, and they were pleasant about it. They said the just wipe down the boxes and resell them. I am never shopping at Walmart again. I don't care if it is more expensive at Target ...

I did it! I finished my first year of teaching. This has been the most challenging year with this pandemic. I have had to learn to modify and adjust so much. Distance learning has been stressful, but also a learning curve. It has broadened my horizons. I feel like I can accomplish anything now.

I put my 1 year old down tonight. I can’t believe it’s been a year. I don’t know life before him. What was it like? I just can’t believe it’s been a year. I can’t wait for the next 50 with my son and my husband❤️

I am all up in my feels today. A year ago, I worked a 12 hour shift up in dispatch. I was 39 weeks 1 day pregnant. I got off at 6:30 pm and took a bath. Then, I got into bed. I was plum tired and didn’t feel good. I woke up at 8:45pm and my water broke. I woke Troyce up and then we were on our way to Saline Memorial. I was in labor about 18 hours. I can’t believe tomorrow I will have a 1 year old.

I just started reading “Goliath Must Fall” by Louie Giglio. I’ve decided to share my journey with you. It will be raw and brutal. I will not sugar coat anything. So the first section I read was about what your giant is. For me, and anyone who knows me, that is control and anxiety. I have struggled with anxiety and stress for literally as long as I can remember. I like to joke and say I was born stressed. I also have to be in control. I am all about routine. So this whole we aren’t doing in person school anymore and husband losing job situation was a nightmare for me. My routine was gone and I didn’t have control over our life anymore. I could have dealt with the quarantine, but on top of that I lost control of our finances. We were just starting to get on top. Since I couldn’t control it, I had to give it to someone who could. I prayed and prayed day in and day out. It wasn’t easy. I struggled daily. It took seven weeks and three days, but He finally delivered. As far as stress, I stre...

Well, Troyce finally got a full-time job after 8 weeks! He is working at JACOR Construction out of Bryant. We are finally climbing back up and out of this hole we fell in to. I am so thankful and so grateful for everyone who has supported us during this time. I have prayed and prayed and my prayers are being answered. From here, we will rebuild our emergency fund and then start back up on our snowball effect. 2020 was supposed to be our year. We had so many plans, but if I've learned anything from my first year teaching, it's that you have to modify and adjust. We can still make headway, and we will. 

So I had my follow up vision exam today with my actual eye doctor. My vision since my surgery has not come back all the way. My left eye is having to compensate for a lot. I now have a new prescription contacts and glasses. I can see! I was having to wear my glasses to work in because it was super hard to see the computer screen, but now I can wear contacts. Yay! I have another retina follow up in June and then hopefully I will be good for another year. 

Ya'll. I can't even deal. Last night, my mother-in-law and her fiance came over. He purchased us dinner for Mother's Day and had Bite Squad deliver it. We placed the order at 6:30. It said it would arrive by 7:59. No big deal. It's a holiday. Well, 8:00 rolls around and it hasn't been picked up by a driver, and it sure hasn't shown up at our house. I get on the live chat for Bite Squad, and they inform me that the restaurant was closed. No one informed us that it was closed. It shouldn't have let us place an order if it was closed. Our neighbor informed us that they did the same thing to them last week. Bite Squad said they would refund the card. I told them they owed me a meal, since everything now was closed. They said they would give us a $5 credit to our account. I said, "That's it? You ruined my Mother's Day." We will never order from them again. They didn't even have the decency to contact us to let us know. They kept us waiting, ...

Rest and relaxation was exactly what I needed last night. I did not push myself today, I just did my nightly workout. My ankles and heels were so much better. Not fully healed, but better. I was actually able to push myself during that 30 minute workout. I burned the most calories I had ever burned in that specific one. I have been killing myself for weeks trying to fill a void. I needed something to keep myself occupied. I lost 3 pounds last week. I am excited for my weight loss journey. An old friend, that I’m not longer friends with, told me a long time ago that I would never stick with it. Well guess what. I am. I love the feeling of a good workout. I am becoming more confident in myself. I still have a ways to go before I am at my goal weight, but I am working so hard to get there. I just have to remember to let my body rest sometimes. Thank you to every one who has been motivating and encouraging me.

I have officially crashed. That big burden was lifted this morning and I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. All of the emotions I’ve been feeling these past 7 weeks are Seeping out of my pores. I am detoxing from all of the stress and anxiety. I’ve been sleeping, but it wasn’t good sleep. Now, I feel like I could sleep for days in order to rejuvenate. God will never give us more than we can handle, but he will push our boundaries and limits in order to test our faith. That is what he has done with us. He has made us stronger. Not to mention, today is our 3rd wedding anniversary. We have had many, many trials in our three years as man and wife, but I wouldn’t trade any of it. Tonight, while Troyce is working his part-time job, I took a bath and really soaked. My ankles and heels are killing me. I have been working out vigorously to try and keep my sanity. I have been burning 600+ calories a day. Those are just active calories. I haven’t worked this hard since I played sports in high scho...

My heart is SO FULL today. We FINALLY received unemployment. We are so blessed. Last night when I was saying my nightly prayers, I prayed, "Lord, I know that something great is coming soon. That's why we praise Him, that's why we sing. That's why we offer Him our everything. That's why we bow down and worship our King. Cause He gave His everything." God is so good.

13. That’s how many times I’ve called the same unemployment number in 2 days. Not to mention the 800 number and the Benton number I’ve called. Each time it rings and then hangs up after 3:30. I got ahold of someone at the Benton office, who transferred me to the same number that no one answers. Week 7, day 2. Still no answers.

We are starting week 7 of unemployment. We still show that we are pending a decision. No response from the email sent. Attempting phone calls today to try and get through to someone. This is crazy.

So last week I had my juniors read “The Yellow Wallpaper” and “A Rose for Emily.” Both of these short stories relate to this quarantine that we are going through. In “The Yellow Wallpaper,” the unreliable narrator is going thorough a mental break where she is basically locked in a room with ugly, old, yellow wallpaper. It drives her insane. Literally. She starts thinking she can see a woman in the pattern and that woman is trying to escape from the wallpaper. So the narrator helps the woman escape by pulling down the wallpaper. She even gets a rope to tie around the woman, and a chair to stand on. This suggests suicide even though it is not specifically stated. She eventually frees the woman from the wallpaper, in turn freeing herself. In “A Rose for Emily,” Emily Grierson is a recluse and stays inside her home. Her father dies and over time, she continues to seclude herself. She refuses to conform to the new times. She meets a northern man who is there for a job. She is afraid he is g...

You know, I’ve been evolving during this time. I have been spending so much time reading the word of God and studying. I have been doing many devotionals. I have been trying to see the positive in all of this negativity. I’ve been spending time out doors and exercising. I’ve been focusing on my mental and physical health. I’ve been working, and I’m almost done with my first year teaching. Even though I can’t ever get ahold of anyone at unemployment, that’s okay because I know God has us.

Well we are almost done with week 6 of unemployment. We still have not received any, nor have we been able to get any answers, let alone speak to anyone. I have even emailed them. Troyce will hopefully be able to go back to Freightliner in the next couple of weeks. The state opening back up means that their hiring freeze will end soon.

“I’m tired,” the nurse said to the teacher as she plopped down on the couch. “I’m exhausted,” the teacher said to the grocery store worker. “I’m beat,” the grocery store worker said to the mom. “I’m worn out,” the mom said. The four ladies kicked back on the couch, propped up their legs, and closed their eyes. They took in the quiet and took deep breaths. No job was inessential. They worked day and night, barely stopping to eat or sleep. The only thing that gets them by is remembering that they are changing lives. Every aching bone and lost hour of sleep was worth it to them.

See...there was this boat. And it was sailing, all like "Hey, look, I'm a sailboat!" Except, you know, it wasn't a sail boat. It was a cruise ship that was sailing across the seven seas. It was a marvelous cruise ship. Pearl white in color with flags hoisted from the top. The red, white, and blue flag ripples in the wind as the radiant ship tore across the blue water. People of all kinds swarmed the tri-deck ship. Conversations and laughter flooded the air. Just for a second, all was well in the world. Smiles and happiness set the mood. Little did they know, the extraordinary cruise ship was about to be turned upside down...literally.

Oh y’all. So yesterday Dawson slept on my chest until about 12:00. Then he bounced back and was his normal self. His fever was down in the 99’s by 1:00. I had my eye follow up at 2:15. Got an all clear! He sealed the hole in the retina. I go back in 2 months to check to make sure the excess fluid is draining as it is supposed to. We went to the doctor this morning to get an all clear on Dawson to go back to daycare. Then he was at daycare for almost 2 hours before they texted and said his fever was back up. When Troyce got there 10 minutes later, it was back in the 99’s, so he stayed at daycare. Someone told his temp right when he woke up from a nap. We have finished week 5 of unemployment. Monday starts week 6, so hopefully we will start seeing that money soon. This mama has been stressed and stretched thin, but I’m staying strong in my faith. A scripture I read the other night told me to wait. That’s what I needed to hear.

Well, Dawson has presented with what seems to be another fever virus. He barely slept last night? So he has been sleeping on my chest just about all day. I had a telemedicine call with the doctor this morning. I’m going to watch him today and if he presents any other symptoms then I will take him in tomorrow. The good news is that they haven’t seen any fevers this high with Coronavirus so that is out of the question. He also has no other symptoms. I just hope my baby feels better soon.

We finally got to speak to someone at unemployment yesterday. She wasn’t the most pleasant person. She wouldn’t explain things to Troyce when he asked questions. She said that the person who told him 2-4 weeks lied and it takes 6-8. We have started week 5 so hopefully it won’t be much longer. We are trying to hold on with everything we have. This has taken so much strength and faith. We are still waiting to hear from Freightliner about the hiring freeze. In the mean time, we have taken to hiking and biking. We have to find some outlet. I have also been working out now that I am almost 5 weeks post op. I have another follow up on Thursday. Hopefully that will go well!

Oh y’all. My heart is heavy today. This is week 4 of Troyce filing unemployment, and he’s STILL awaiting a decision. He hasn’t gotten it yet. It would have been easier if he would have gotten laid off due to COVID-19, but since he wasn’t he isn’t as important. How messed up is that? We are patiently waiting for Freightliner to release their hiring freeze. This has been the most stressful time, but each night I open my bible and I spend time with God. We will make the best of it. None of this is ideal, but it is our new normal. I’m so ready for churches to open back up. I’m ready to go back to school. I hope everyone is staying positive during this time.

Last week, Troyce's new neurologist cleared him to go back to work! We contacted his old employer, and as soon as their hiring freeze is off in a month or so, they are going to take him back! God is so good! We are so grateful that this is turning back around. It has been very stressful and now we can finally see some light.

Well, we have finally made some progress with unemployment. They have processed Troyce’s information and we are awaiting a decision. We have already filed a claim for the week of 3/23. This is all so crazy to me. He went to our PCP for mood swings. Sometimes he wouldn’t remember. He has a family history of bipolar disorder. He has also had seizures in the past. Never did we ever think they could be related. He had an MRI and an EEG, which let me tell you are not cheap if you are uninsured. The neurologist can’t exactly pinpoint seizure activity, but she could see a slow part in his brain with a posit damaged nerve. I won’t go into details as to how that nerve got damaged, and there’s no way to know for sure that was the cause. I have to let that go. Anyway, he was put on a medication that treats both bipolar disorder and seizures. Monday, March 16th, he has a seizure at work. It was a seizure like he has had. He felt sick and passed out. He seizes when he passes out. This was not what ...

Today, I posted my first ever online assignment. I had to create videos for these lessons and give them an assignment. It is SO hard to teach on a video! For my juniors, I had to try and explain misplaced/dangling modifiers. For my freshmen, I had to analyze literature. That was easier than the modifiers! This has got to be the craziest first year of teaching ever. I'm hoping we get to go back to school this year. I miss my kiddos and my classroom. I also hope this gets easier!

Well, school is going to online instruction. This is a challenge not only for me as a first year teacher, but for everyone! Troyce has had some interviews this week. Unemployment hasn’t even processed his application yet. This is a crazy time we are living in. My eye is doing great! The swelling is completely gone and the redness is almost gone as well. I have a follow up tomorrow to check on it. It is still pretty blurry, even with glasses. But he said that could last up to 4 weeks and it may not get back to normal. I’ll need another eye exam when this COVID-19 is over. I do want to start writing again, even if it is short blurbs. Y’all give me some ideas! I’m trying to stay positive in all of this negative.

Our little family of three has taken a major hit in the last week. As previously stated, Troyce had a seizure at work last Monday. His job terminated him last Friday. Since he was only there for about six weeks, he didn't qualify for any benefits and they didn't have any job that could accommodate the restrictions his neurologist put on him. We have since applied for unemployment, but so has everyone else in the country. My eye is doing better, but it still isn't back to where it used to be. We are down to one income, and we are stressed. If anyone knows of any place that is hiring please let us know. He hasn't had a seizure like this in YEARS. He can do just about anything, including manual labor. We are trying to not lose faith right now, but it is super hard. Everything happens for a reason, and we don't always get to know that reason. It may be years down the road when we realize what that reason is. For now, we are going to be living at the bare minimum. Just k...

It’s been a few days since I have posted. In the mean time, Dawson had a stomach bug and then gave it to me, my mom, my sister, and my dad. My surgery is still happening on Thursday. Yesterday I had to go get Troyce from work because he had a massive seizure. He can’t drive anymore and has to have a note from the doctor to return to work. My faith is slipping. I feel broken and angry. Every night I pray to God and it’s like he isn’t hearing me. When does it end? When do we get to catch a break? I know He doesn’t give more than what you can handle. But I’m close.

Well, I have lost 5 pounds in the last month! I am so proud of myself. I work out just about every day, except Saturday and Sunday. I haven't been stress eating either, which is super huge for me. I also started Grad school yesterday. I did all of my work for this week and I have been researching for my first project that is due not this Sunday but the next. I don't know about this though. The professor is requiring APA format and all I've ever known is MLA lol. This is too hard! Kidding. I'll get it figured out. Luckily Google docs has an APA Report template. I haven't been thinking about my surgery. In fact, I haven't read a single pamphlet about it. I just keep hoping it was all a bad dream and that I'll wake up and be fine. I know at some point I have to face reality, but that isn't today. It'll probably be the morning of March 19th on my way to the clinic. Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I'm going to be very dependent for a while....

Ya'll. This time change has our house all messed up. Dawson was sleeping better, but he is so off his schedule. Mama is tired. Daddy can't remember to take his medicine. We are all out of sorts. I wish we could be like Arizona and not switch. That would be nice. I started grad school today! It is more intimidating than it actually is. Looking at the assignments, it isn't as much as I thought it would be. Fingers crossed I do well. I am thinking about free writing on my blog. I need to get my brain flowing again. I haven't worked on my novel very much lately and I need to just get the creative juices pumping. Would ya'll be interested in reading that? The posts wouldn't be geared towards anything, just any time I get a creative thought I would jot it down. I think I'm going to do it.

I have one full week and a half a week before my surgery. I am very nervous. It only has an 80% success rate. If it doesn’t work, I will eventually lose my vision. By how quickly they were wanting to fix it, I would say sooner rather than later. Troyce is doing well on his new medication. He hasn’t noticed any side effects. Dawson’s fever is gone, but his nose has been nonstop pouring for two days. This little snot monster is leaving a trail everywhere! My sister will be preaching tonight at 6pm at Sardis UMC so come out and support her!

Dawson woke up this morning and wasn’t running a fever. He did have one that was 99 but it’s back to normal. We will just have to keep watching him and see how it goes. We aren’t sure what keeps causing them. Each one of us has been hit with adversity. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we overcome this adversity.

Well, we have another fever virus. Mom took Dawson to the doctor this afternoon. Negative for flu. Ears are fine. Just a fever virus. And I’m just like, seriously?” Oh well. Tylenol, Benadryl, and cold compresses it is.

Dawson's fever got up to 103.6 in the middle of the night. I gave him tylenol and a cold compress and it came down to 99 by 2. It has stayed there. We aren't sure what is going on with his fever, or why he keeps getting them. It could be teeth, but we just aren't sure. I am already stressing about all of the medical bills we have. Healthcare is a joke. On a different note, I am down 4 pounds.

Well, guess who spiked a 102.5 fever today. Dawson. We have determined it’s from his molars. He can go to daycare tomorrow as long as he’s below 101, and he is. As for me, processing this whole eye thing is rough. I don’t know how I feel about it. But, God’s got this.

Here is the post you all have been waiting for. What is going on with Leigh Ann's eyeballs? Well, I do not have a tear. I have a partially detached retina and it is fairly large. In my left eye, I ALSO have a partially detached retina; however, it is much smaller. March 19th, I will go for surgery. They will be able to laser the left eye, but they are going to have to put a buckle in the left eye. How did this happen? Well the most common answer is trauma. I have not had trauma. I am nearsided, meaning I can't see far away. My eyes are longer and more oval shaped. Retinas are one-size-fits-all. My retinas had to stretch to fit my eyes, leaving thin spots. Over time, these thin spots deteriorated and made holes. This caused fluid buildup. Will I get more? Luckily, the retina specialist did not see any more thin spots, but I will have to go every year to be evaluated. I do not have any symptoms, and that baffles the doctors. Normally, a person with a detached retina would be seei...

I will have a very umm..what's the word..concerning(?), eventful(?) post to share with you tomorrow. I went to see the retina specialist today and let's just say that did not go over well. On a different note, Troyce saw the neurologist today. While she is unsure if it is in fact seizure activity, she does see a slower part in his brain. We already knew this. She is treating him for mood induced seizures. She did not say he can't drive, but we aren't getting our hopes up. He will have to go back and see her in a month. Happy and uplifting note, Dawson only woke up twice last night and he went right back down so this mama got some much needed sleep! We never know why things happen. Is it karma? Not necessarily. It is God's will. I have to keep telling myself that he will never give me more than I can handle. He pushes to limits, but he always knows what you can and can't take. Right now, my family is going through a major trial and test. We just ask that you sen...

$1,558. That’s how much an MRI and EEG is without insurance. And that with a discount from the hospital. That much money (plus $120 for the initial doctors visit) to continue a never ending cycle. $1,558 for a persons negligence almost 25 years ago. Troyce will see the neurologist tomorrow to get a game plan for medication for his seizures. He had one the other night. We just want to find a new normal. On another note, I had my yearly eye exam. Those of you that noticed I’ve been wearing glasses, I’m out of contacts and my prescription is expired. Go me! Well, I have a retinal year and I will have to have laser done to keep it from expanding. If it continues to gain fluid, my retina will detach and I’ll lose vision completely in my right eye. When it rains it pours. Y’all just keep us in your prayers. We need them so much right now.

Well, I finally decided to bite the bullet and add Troyce to my insurance. This whole process has been a struggle, and I'm so grateful for everyone who has been there for us. He will have to go see a neurologist to get put on medication, and then our new journey begins. On a positive note, Dawson now weighs 14.58 lbs and is 26.5 inches long! Yes, my baby is small. No need to remind me. He is perfect just the way he is. Dawson is a very energetic munchkin and we love him so much! I will be starting grad school next Monday and I am ready to get going. We are taking life one day at a time, but we are so excited to see what the future has to hold for us. Please continue to lift us up in prayer and send good vibes our way. We are going to need it.

We can't seem to catch a break in the Hamilton household. As mentioned earlier, Troyce had an MRI and EEG on his brain to look for scar tissue and seizure activity. The MRI came back fine. They had originally told him that his brain looked great on the EEG. While it may look great, it does show seizure activity. We don't know how to process this. He will have to go on seizure medication, meaning he can't drive for a year (good luck with that one). He works 3-11:30pm. I can't take him and pick him up. First, I am still in class at 3. Second, I am not waking Dawson up every night. It just wouldn't be feasible. We are currently trying to figure out a game plan. Oh, did I mention his insurance lapsed? He started a new job February 1. We were going to wait for COBRA; however, that is $497 a month. I could add him onto mine, but they have to back insure him and that would be a little over $700 out of my monthly check for the month of March. We are at a loss. We just keep ...

We had quite the scare on Thursday. Dawson's daycare called me at 3:15 to tell me he had a 102 degree fever. I had CAP conferences, so my mom was going to get him anyway. I called her and said, "you have to go pick up Dawson now and take him to either the doctor or urgent care." She takes him to his PCP and he said that his ears and chest were clear and his lymph nodes weren't swollen. Probably just a fever virus. I have never been more scared in my life. On a different note, we got another credit card paid off! One more payment down. Now to just get our emergency fund up to $1000 and we will be ready for the debt snowball effect. I can't wait! We have not used credit, except for our house, since July. We have paid cash for everything. Even for Christmas, I was able to pay without using credit. It has been the greatest feeling. We couldn't have done it without my parents. What's next to pay off? We don't count our appliances because we have 12 months ...

Hello! So we have had quite the busy schedule lately. For starters, and he might kill me for telling you all this, but Troyce had an MRI and an EEG on his brain. He has anger issues and when he becomes manic he sometimes blacks out. They wanted to eliminate seizure activity. I lost three pounds in one week! I feel great and my clothes are starting to fit better. Dawson recently started at a daycare facility. Lastly, I am working on my bible. I need to get back into the groove and study the bible more. I used to know it like the back of my hand, but now I'm lost. I need to become familiar again. After all, I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

You’re seeing it here first, but I got accepted into Arkansas State University’s Graduate program!! I can’t wait to start this journey. I’m pursuing my Masters of Science in Education in Gifted, Talented, and Creative. What made me choose this field? Some of you don’t know this, but I am a GT kid. We work and focus a lot on intervention with kids, but we don’t focus as much on enrichment. We want everyone to be on the same level, but what about those kids that need more? I want to be able to bring appropriate enrichment to my classroom. Does anyone want to fund it? Lol! I am so excited!! Go wolves!

Another loan is paid off! I can’t believe it. We are doing great, and it’s only February!

Blogging this morning from the truck as we drive up to Pinnacle mountain. I know I said I was going to do better this year at blogging; however, we did not have internet until this past Monday. So many things have happened since I last posted! Dawson has a new tooth, and Troyce has a new job! He starts tomorrow. I have been getting up earlier to workout, but some mornings Daws just won’t let me. I may or may not have applied to grad school...TBD. We have paid off our Kohl’s charge card and almost have a personal loan paid off. Lastly, we have $400/$1000 in our emergency fund! We are making head way and it’s only February 2nd! Please pray for me, we are wrapping up research papers at school. As the wonderful, vivacious Shania Twain sang, “Life’s about to get good!”

1. Determine what things you value the most about your life. 2. Decide what commitments are the most important to you. 3. Assess the way you use your time. 4. Get rid of the clutter in every area of your life. 5. Spend more time with the people that matter to you. 6. Check in with yourself and assess. 7. Celebrate the good. 8. Let the toxic out. 9. Begin anew. Another part of my journey for 2020. It won’t be easy, but it will definitely be worth it.

Complaining Limiting beliefs Negative self-talk Dwelling on the past Resistance to change The need to impress others The need to always be right The need for other’s approval I am not a very confident person, so I hang on to all of these things. In 2020 I play on letting these things go and embracing my true happiness.

Well, well, well. Hello 2020. My word of the year is "Rest." Boy is that true. However, I also want to add "persevere" for this year. We recently have been working on budgeting and the snowball effect by Dave Ramsey. We are tired of living paycheck to paycheck, especially with an infant. On top of that, I want to go back and get my masters. To put the icing on the cake, I want to work on my weight loss this year also. When are you supposed to rest, Leigh Ann? As these things start to fall into place, I will become at peace. When I reach that milestone, then I will rest. I am a very stressed and anxious person. I was born stressed it seems. With that being said, I am always stressed out, even when I'm not. I'm not saying that it is going to be an easy year, but it will be a successful year. I have something coming for ya'll when we get to our new house. It will be one of the biggest motivators in this journey. I also chose "persevere" because so...