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Overcoming my giants

I just started reading “Goliath Must Fall” by Louie Giglio. I’ve decided to share my journey with you. It will be raw and brutal. I will not sugar coat anything. So the first section I read was about what your giant is. For me, and anyone who knows me, that is control and anxiety. I have struggled with anxiety and stress for literally as long as I can remember. I like to joke and say I was born stressed. I also have to be in control. I am all about routine. So this whole we aren’t doing in person school anymore and husband losing job situation was a nightmare for me. My routine was gone and I didn’t have control over our life anymore. I could have dealt with the quarantine, but on top of that I lost control of our finances. We were just starting to get on top. Since I couldn’t control it, I had to give it to someone who could. I prayed and prayed day in and day out. It wasn’t easy. I struggled daily. It took seven weeks and three days, but He finally delivered. As far as stress, I stress about literally everything. I am on Lexapro for anxiety that it caused by stress. I am a people pleaser, and I have to be liked. I was not liked a whole lot growing up, mostly because I intimidated people. I say that because I skipped a grade and people felt threatened by my intelligence. I also have to be the best at everything. When I’m not, I spiral out of control. I refuse to give up. Which is also why I am pursuing a masters degree. My aunt told me after I graduated from college that I would keep graduating. I wasn’t done. All of these things are my giants: control, anxiety, stress, being the best, people pleasing. How do I overcome these? I guess I’ll find out.

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