I have really been struggling today. I'm not sure what it is. I feel like I'm alone. Like I have no friends. I feel bullied a lot. Used. Abused. Mistreated. And every time I try to talk to someone about it, I end up being the problem. I apparently need to change myself. If I want people to be nice to me then I need to be nice to them. I'm not doing anything wrong. This has happened to me my entire life. I'm always just told to let it roll off of me. Do you know how hard that is to do? People say they always have my back. But do they? I was tortured most of my life. It has made me so depressed. Some days I really hate myself. No one should have to live like that. Today I feel friendless, depressed, and just out right worthless. I am a disappointment to myself. I am so tired of feeling this way. So if anyone knows of any "pick me up"s please let me know.
I just recently finished "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. I had no idea what this novel was going to be about going into it; all I knew was that our 10th grade English class study it. Right off the bat I noticed that our narrator was not your average Joe. The narrator is death. When I realized this I said to myself, "Oh this is going to be good." The novel is all about the Holocaust and it is shown from a German point of view. Leisel Meminger's mother gives her away to a foster German family. On the trip to this new family, Leisel's brother dies. So right from the start death is there. I'm not going to give you a synopsis of it, because I think you should read it for yourself. Just know that a German family hides a Jew in their basement for a while, and death is around every corner. That last line of the novel really got me though..."I am haunted by humans."
Think we all feel this way sometimes. Especially with anxiety. I have to go to scripture and take captive every thought. If it is not good then it is not helping me to renew my mind. And then I am stuck in negative everything. William keeps me in check here. It's hard to admit... But he lets me know when I need to breath. Also people Errol let you down.. whether they mean too or not. So it is better to give and not expect. Love rather then hate. Besides our reward is in heaven and God is good!
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