I knew the first Christmas without you would be different, but I didn’t know it would go down the way it did. We tried to continue the tradition: shrimp cocktail, steak dinner, distribution of presents, etc. What we didn’t account for was the hostility. A huge fight broke out over a stocking. A STOCKING. This miscommunication nearly destroyed out entire family. You weren’t there to keep everyone calm or to run the show. B and S went at it in the upstairs hallway. We could all hear the screaming downstairs in the den.
B left and no one knew where he went. It wasn’t until hours later when he showed up at my house did I know what really went down. After the big scream match, we attempted to patch the night back together and continue. It just wasn’t the same. Some stranger was sitting in your chair at the table. No one wanted to sit in your recliner in the den. Even though you weren’t there, I could still feel your presence.
Not only was that a rough Christmas, but it was a rough first year without you. The family was worse than ever. We barely spoke, and when we did it was often through others. The second Christmas rolled around and my parents told me that we weren’t going to your house to be with family. We were going to a candle light service at a church that wasn’t even ours. I was livid. I didn’t want to go. Christmas Eve at your place was all I had known for eighteen years. I didn’t want to let go of that tradition.
At the candle light service, it was really hard for me to open up to God. I was so angry because we were at a place I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be with the rest of my family. It wasn’t a normal Christmas Eve. I wasn’t ready for this new step in life. I wasn’t ready to let go. I won’t ever forget that Christmas Eve. I could feel you somehow slipping away. The Christmas spirit didn’t live inside me anymore. I wanted to go back in time to when you were still around. I wanted one more hug.
The third Christmas though, that was a beauty. From Christmas of 2014 to Christmas of 2015 many things changed. I finally found the God that you wanted me to find. I put all of my faith into Him. I could feel your presence again. My Guardian Angel was finally back. That Christmas Eve, we went to the candle light service, but this time it was at our church. Then, we went to your house and spent the rest of the evening with our family. The family we have worked so hard to repair over these few years. Though it may not be where it should, it has come a long way.
Sue Carol Baber, you have been and always will be my Guardian Angel. I can’t thank you enough for watching over me and protecting me. I hope I have made you proud. I finally found your God. I always have and always will love you.
I just recently finished "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. I had no idea what this novel was going to be about going into it; all I knew was that our 10th grade English class study it. Right off the bat I noticed that our narrator was not your average Joe. The narrator is death. When I realized this I said to myself, "Oh this is going to be good." The novel is all about the Holocaust and it is shown from a German point of view. Leisel Meminger's mother gives her away to a foster German family. On the trip to this new family, Leisel's brother dies. So right from the start death is there. I'm not going to give you a synopsis of it, because I think you should read it for yourself. Just know that a German family hides a Jew in their basement for a while, and death is around every corner. That last line of the novel really got me though..."I am haunted by humans."
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