2021 brought us many things, but not all of them were good. The best thing that came out of 2021 was Maddox Jeramie Hamilton. 2021 brought us heartache, stress, anxiety, financial stress, and many other things; but our family was complete. Dawson had 2 seizures, resulting in overnight ACH stays for both of them. We now have to carry around emergency diazepam in case he has another one. He had tubes put in June 1st. Maddox had a 9 day ACH stay with parainfluinza and thrush and then a three day stay with RSV and thrush. He has just now hit 15 pounds. We hit our family out of pocket max for insurance and paid almost $9000 in medical bills this year. Now every time one of them gets even remotely sick I freak out because our family has been through enough, but thats my PPA. Postpartum anxiety is so real and so scary. I get angry, overwhelmed, emotional. Not to mention I already suffer from sensory overload. You can imagine how it gets when I get anxious. I am on medication and in therapy, but until this part of my life passes, it's going to be a rollercoaster. Troyce is still trying to get on a normal schedule with his bipolar. He's trying to manage it as best as he can. I have many goals for 2022: continue to pay off debt, continue on my health journey, try to blog once a week, and to not go to bed at 7:30 every night like I have been for months. I want to get back onto a normal, healthy schedule. But most importantly, I want my family healthy and I want to fix my relationship with God. Too many times this year I have been angry with Him and yelled at Him for allowing all of these things to happen to my family. They say He doesn't give you more than you can handle. There have been many times this year where I have felt like I couldn't handle any more, but I did. I want to say 2022 will be better, it has to be right?
I just recently finished "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak. I had no idea what this novel was going to be about going into it; all I knew was that our 10th grade English class study it. Right off the bat I noticed that our narrator was not your average Joe. The narrator is death. When I realized this I said to myself, "Oh this is going to be good." The novel is all about the Holocaust and it is shown from a German point of view. Leisel Meminger's mother gives her away to a foster German family. On the trip to this new family, Leisel's brother dies. So right from the start death is there. I'm not going to give you a synopsis of it, because I think you should read it for yourself. Just know that a German family hides a Jew in their basement for a while, and death is around every corner. That last line of the novel really got me though..."I am haunted by humans."
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